I love this book and program, which offer many solutions to improving mental health and physical well being. I will be writing more about their programs in the future. Get a copy of The HeartMath Solution

Unconscious beliefs can contribute to overcaring and becoming cut off from healthy forms of caring. Often, we carry old and outmoded beliefs around with us without even realizing how they are weighing us down. Identifying beliefs that lead to overcare can really help.

One way of identifying these beliefs is to do early memory work. (see my article about this in last July's ezine).

Another way I find very useful is PSYCH-K^TM . Well, lots of folks are asking me to write more about PSYCH-K and changing the subconscious mind. So, here is some more for you to think about.

Children, in their first five years or so, are in a sort of hypnotic state. They are very absorbent- which is how they can learn so much so fast. As kids, we all absorb some things that are said to us that are not so helpful. Perhaps an influential person in your life told you something like:

• You are no good
• You will never amount to anything
• You don't deserve nice things
• You have to work hard if you want rewards
• You are stupid
• You are clumsy

You may also have acquired subconscious attitudes about what it means to be a caring or "good" person by listening to others:

"If you love someone you worry about them" could be one.
Or "I have to make sure everything is perfect for the speech, the party, the boss, Mom's birthday...".

Perhaps you are a veteran of the personal growth path. Maybe you have tried, affirmations, self help books, support groups, subliminal tapes and CD's and more- All in an effort to let go of some of these unconsciously held beliefs. If you are like me, these have helped in varying degrees- some a lot! Yet, some areas of your life have remained a struggle.

The concept behind PSYCH-K is that we struggle when the subconscious beliefs we hold are in conflict with the conscious goals we are working towards. In other words, the subconscious (the more powerful of the two) sabotages our goals.

I love to support individuals in creating shifts of consciousness towards greater wholeness, happiness, success and well-being by assisting them in rewiring their thoughts and unleashing the power that comes from within them.

You deserve to create your life uniquely the way you want it... which is easier to do than it used to be. We are wired to create! I invite you to just imagine this:

The events of your life can be changed easily by changing your beliefs at the subconscious level of mind - The level of your mind where all things are possible.

In friendship: Donna and Lauren are old friends. Lauren's boyfriend often travels and comes home at unpredictable times. Sometimes Lauren makes plans with Donna and changes them at the last minute to be with her boyfriend. Donna has let her know how much this hurts her feelings and they are trying to work out a mutually respectful arrangement. Donna is getting tickets for a special event and would love Lauren to go with her. She tells Lauren that she needs a firm commitment by the end of the week. Lauren agrees to make plans with her boyfriend regarding the date and get back to Donna by Friday. She speaks to him and they put the date on their calendar. Lauren tells Donna she has arranged everything and will definitely be there and she keeps her word.

Between parent and child: Adults sometimes have trouble being respectful of themselves in situations that involve their kids. For example, some single parents feel guilty when starting new relationships. Larry has figured out how to respect himself and his son. He wants to spend more time with his friend, Mary, in the evenings. His son, Craig, is 12 and feels very uncomfortable when Mary visits. Larry is not willing to give up his adult time but doesn't want to be inconsiderate of Craig. He tells Craig, "Saturday, Mary will be here for the evening. Would you like to stay home with us or arrange to go a friend's house?" Craig chooses the friend option. Larry has modeled respect for himself, Mary and his son, Craig.

So, how do you get respect?

You can begin with effective communications skills. Show your respect for others by listening with an attitude of openness. Be willing to disagree without trying to force another to your way of thinking. It is essential to check whether everyone involved feels heard and understood, even if not everyone is getting what he or she wants. At the same time, remember that you are not respecting yourself when you are either giving up or giving in. Self respect is part of the mutual respect package. When you model self respect you are letting others know you value yourself and them.

It isn't possible to make someone else respect you, but you don't have to wait around for others to change in order to have mutual respect.
You can create it with you own beliefs and actions. If you believe that everyone deserves respect, you demonstrate that in your behavior. The manner in which you talk and listen, set limits for yourself and follow through, and speak up about your thoughts and feelings can create an atmosphere of mutual respect right now.

If you demonstrate self respect in considerate, non-abusive ways, with genuine interest and caring about others, this invites others to respect you, just as you respect yourself and them. It has nothing to do with being older, smarter or more privileged. Children learn how it feels to be respected and what they can expect from a relationship. It lets other adults know that you care about them as well as yourself.

I can offer some great ideas for ways to increase mutual respect in your business, family or community and would be happy to do a short presentation at your school, workplace or club.

If you are intrigued by divination and collage or just committed to personal growth, this workshop is for you!

The power of this process will blow you away. Just beginning to think about making your cards will initiate profound changes in the way you view your life experiences. Making these cards and sharing them is truly a blessing.

Michael Ortiz Hill, author, teacher and healer, developed the "amor fati" deck (translation: To love one's fate). This workshop adapts his teaching into an experiential workshop that will get you well on your way to making and using your personal deck. Follow up support will also be available in the form of individual appointments or group gatherings. I am also working with Michael Ortiz Hill on a personal appearance here, in Santa Rosa in late February. Stay Tuned for that!

Experience 7 information packed hours for $90*
DATE: Sunday, January 21st, 2007
TIME: 10AM to 5PM
LOCATION: Santa Rosa, CA
*Sliding Scale Available Upon Request
The next workshop will be Saturday March 31st
and I am accepting sign ups now!

Who do you know who would love to read this issue (or a past issue)?
I would love to get Your Authentic Life out to them.
So, can you help me meet my goal of 1000 subscribers in 2007? Thanks for all you do!

• Forward this e mail to a friend and suggest they check out my archived articles
• Print my newsletter and post it on your bulletin board or in the break room at your office, barn, gym...
• send a brief note and the link to my web site with your personal recommendation for an article you liked

I now offer phone sessions by appointment. Sessions are available Monday through Thursday. I accept MasterCard and Visa as well as checks and Paypal. Geography need no longer limit your access to working with me!

All Articles Copyrighted by Laurie Stolmaker, MA, MFT 2005-2007
You are welcome to reprint articles in their entirety, as long as you also include this copyright notice.