It is so important that you know that once you know how you feel, you can start moving yourself toward feeling better. No, I don't mean to ignore your unpleasant feelings, deny them, or sweep them under the rug and pretend to be happy.

Emotions are our most valuable inner guidance and we do well to pay attention to them. But, the thing that may have gotten lost in translation in the world of "feeling your feelings" is this: Knowing how you feel right now is a great vehicle for getting to feel better, and rather quickly!

In our efforts to explore our feelings, I think we sometimes end up wallowing in them. So, we get to validate our experiences. That's good. Then we get to live in that unpleasant place, reviewing and re-experiencing the unpleasantness. Not so good!

What would happen if we used the "I don't feel so good" feeling as a starting place for finding a better feeling place.

Abraham-Hicks, one of my most beloved sources for inspiration in this area, teaches it this way; Your feelings can be gently nudged up a sort of scale towards feeling better and better by using thoughts that bring you a bit of relief.

Here is an example from my own life. I hope it is helpful to you.

I am in a business referral group, and lately, it has not felt very fun to me. I was at a point where I needed to decide whether to renew my membership, laying down a sum of money and committing to another year. As I talked about it, I noticed myself focusing on what was not working for me. And over a few weeks, I began to dislike this weekly commitment more and more.
"What am I doing here?" I asked myself. "These people just don't get me!"

So, I had a little chat with myself about how I was feeling. The word that comes to mind now is "discouraged". I was putting a lot of effort out and not seeing much in the way of results.

I also felt hurt. That is a feeling I often have, when I don't feel "seen" or recognized or valued by others.

Having recognized these feelings, I worked with my thoughts to move to feelings of relief. I recognized that the people in the group hadn't suddenly turned against me! I turned to thoughts that took the significance out of their behavior.

"Everyone is doing the best they can. Business ebbs and flows for everyone." I told myself.

That gave me a little sense of relief. Then I took the pressure off of myself. "I don't have to decide about renewing right now." I reminded myself.

Eventually, it was time to decide. I had moved myself to a place that felt much better, though not exactly enthusiastic. "You can sign on for another year and give yourself permission to leave at any time that you decide that is right for you." I said to myself. Ah, better!

I also set about the business of feeling good, of creating pleasure and fun in my life everywhere I could. I wanted to get myself out of the negative place I had slipped into. And it worked, of course!
Things felt fun and started to flow.
You know how that works, right?

Then,I noticed a funny thing. There I was, one morning, at my business meeting, thinking, "what a great group of folks!" One after another, I heard people sharing positive messages, uplifting attitudes and being both wise and funny. As I was enjoying this experience, two individuals shared positive comments specifically about me. I realized I was back in the flow of feeling good about what I was doing. It was reflected in the room.

I share this very personal story with you, because, perhaps you are struggling against something right now. Maybe you have found something not to your liking and are cultivating more dislike for it by voicing your negative opinion about it.

And, maybe you, like me, have lots of experience and know a lot about how to do it differently. But you just forgot.

Please let me know, by emailing me, if this article was helpful to you! Writing a newsletter is an effort of love and devotion for me. But, as you can see, I really do feel encouraged when I get positive feedback.

Individual, collaborative counseling sessions are available in Santa Rosa, CA at my downtown office Monday through Thursday. To learn more about my counseling practice click here: counseling practice.

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All Articles Copyrighted by Laurie Stolmaker, MA, MFT 2005-2008
Laurie Sequana Stolmaker is an experienced therapist and seminar leader. She authors the monthly online newsletter, Joy Inside: Wake Up To A Life You Love! If you are ready to have more fun, rekindle your joy, and make a life of love and success, subscribe by going to www.joyinside.net.
You are welcome to reprint articles in their entirety, as long as you also include this copyright notice.

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